Walks of shame are so last century, and other reasons to enjoy a one-night stand
OK, so you’ve just woken up in someone else’s bed, and while at this very moment his name eludes you (Frank? Kurt? Furt?), you carefully take a peek and discover he’s just as fine as he was last night. Like, McDreamy fine. “You go girl,” you think to yourself. But then, it happens: Instead of doing the victory dance you should be doing, your mind takes you down that yellow brick road of guilt and regret. What. The. Eff?!
1. It’s the 21st frickin’ century
Your one-night stand wasn’t an abomination. Your reputation isn’t tarnished. You didn’t randomly sleep with a guy because you have ‘daddy issues’. You did so because you’re a woman with needs and desires who has just as much of a right to act on those needs as a man does. The only way to stop associating sex with a stranger as a bad thing is to stop feeding into the stereotype that it’s a bad thing. Own your body. Own your friskiness. Own your decisions.
2. You’re exploring sexually
The only way to know what you like and don’t like sexually is to experiment. One-night stands are perfect for that, especially if you don’t want the emotional exhaustion and expectations that come with a relationship (friends with benefits can even be too relationshippy at times). Whether your one-night stand is mind-blowing or an epic fail, you’re one step closer to knowing exactly what does your body good.
3. You were safe and smart about it
You used protection, you felt safe physically and had a lot of fun. Sure, you kept accidentally calling out “Todd” when his name is actually “Tony,” but whatever. Clearly, he didn’t care because you both woke up the next morning with a limp. Just remember: The twinges of guilt afterward are only because society has programmed you to feel like what you did was wrong — but it wasn’t. Except for maybe the Todd thing, but it’s all subjective. Stop punishing yourself for letting go and having a good time.
4. Uh, you had an orgasm
Not only did you have an orgasm, but you had one because of someone other than your right hand. Embrace it.
5. You slept with a guy who isn’t going to waste your time
The best part about having a one-night stand is you don’t have to go through months of dating him just to find out he’s not Mr. Right. Getting jiggy with Mr. Right Now ensures your sexual needs are met while saving yourself from drowning in a dating pool of duds.
6. You made a feminist statement
You didn’t just get laid: You proved all the ridiculous stereotypes weighing down your sexuality wrong by not falling for him. The joke’s on you, society! (Plus, see number four.)
7. You had a “pure” sexual experience
Erica Jong said it best in her 1973 novel Fear of Flying: “The zipless f*** is absolutely pure. It is free of ulterior motives. There is no power game. The man is not ‘taking’ and the woman is not ‘giving.’ No one is trying to prove anything or get anything out of anyone.” And it’s the truth: You don’t have to be anything other than a horny woman looking to try out a few new positions… with a guy, you’ll forever remember as Furt.
8. And regarding that walk of shame…
It’s actually a victory lap. See those close-minded people over there trying to decipher if you’re still wearing last night’s clothes? They’re just jealous, since you know, their private parts have cobwebs on them.
So the next time you wake up next to whatshisname with a condom wrapper stuck to your face, forget the walk of shame: Strut out of there like you’re stomping a runway. (Unless he’s awake, in which case he might take the fact that you’re happy to leave personally.)